You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
