Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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