I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
