so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
