god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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