remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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