There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
