I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
