dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
