He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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