Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
