Christians are straight up FREAKS
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
