i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
