Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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