You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't turn off my feet"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
