You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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