how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
