I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i dont even know how to be here
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
