She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
