he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
