So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
