I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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