I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
