I'm drive I can fine osifer
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
