Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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