the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
