drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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