I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
