I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
