a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
