More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
