thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
