So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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