You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
