Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
