WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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