I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
