Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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