So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
