He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
