He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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