u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
