I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
