just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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