Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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