I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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