My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
