Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
