AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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