I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
