seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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