What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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