I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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