so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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