it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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