I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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